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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26129500">Fitzcarraldo</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihaveaducknamedpaul/pseuds/ihaveaducknamedpaul'>ihaveaducknamedpaul</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fitzcarraldo [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Dreams, Emotional Hurt, Fluff, I say comfort, M/M, Truth or Dare, Very Mild Comfort, food as a love language</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:16:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,201</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26129500</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihaveaducknamedpaul/pseuds/ihaveaducknamedpaul</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>n. an image that somehow becomes lodged deep in your brain—maybe washed there by a dream, or smuggled inside a book, or planted during a casual conversation—which then grows into a wild and impractical vision that keeps scrambling back and forth in your head like a dog stuck in a car that’s about to arrive home, just itching for a chance to leap headlong into reality</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>In which Osamu dreams, and falls in love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miya Atsumu &amp; Miya Osamu, Miya Atsumu &amp; Suna Rintarou, Miya Osamu &amp; Ojiro Aran, Miya Osamu &amp; Suna Rintarou, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fitzcarraldo [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897342</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>100</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fitzcarraldo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was originally meant to be only 6k words, I have no idea how I almost doubled it</p>
<p>Enjoy lol</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Day by day, Osamu lives his life at a tedious pace. Everything, everyone, he encounters seems insignificant in such a miniscule part of his life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He's Atsumu's twin, the less rude Atsumu. It's always been Atsumu in the spotlight, Atsumu who gained the attention of everyone in middle school. Even in volleyball, they are the Miya twins, with Atsumu as the genius setter. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Only Atsumu and Aran are important to him. Even if Atsumu steals his socks, eats all his food, and irritates him on a day to day basis; he's one of the few people Osamu cares about. He assumed that things would stay the same in high school. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>That's when Suna Rintarou arrives. One would think it would be like a romantic movie, where they </span><em><span>come</span></em> <em><span>crashing into someone's life</span></em><span> and immediately improve it. No, Suna arrives in small pieces, fitting in with Osamu like they're parts of the same puzzle.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Very quickly, Suna and Osamu become friends. If it wasn't the fact they were in the same class, or the group study sessions that brought them together, it was their similar humor and the same snarky attitude. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It isn't until the start of his second year that he realises he has a crush on Suna. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He settles down into bed one night, listening to Atsumu complain about homework so early in the year. The grumbling lulls him to sleep, his eyes gradually slipping closed until there's nothing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When he opens his eyes again, he's on a beach. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suna is standing by the edge of the water, the waves lapping around his ankles as he tilts his head up to the orange sky. The setting sun casts a golden glow against his tanned skin, and if Osamu wasn't dreaming he would stop and stare. He takes a step closer, the sand shifting between his toes. Suna turns and watches him walk closer. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There's something different about Suna’s expression. Maybe it's the tender smile he’s wearing as Osamu walks closer, or the barely-there flush dusting along his cheekbones. He takes Osamu's hands, his thumb rubbing gently over his knuckles. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi Samu.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi Rin.” Even dream-him sounds a little breathless. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They meander down the beach hand in hand, the waves curling around their feet before retreating. Nothing is said between them, it's not unusual, they've never needed to talk much when they're alone. They keep walking until they reach the ends of the beach, where sand turns into pebbles and rock pools. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu sits down by the water, dragging Suna down with him. Suna squeezes his hand. “Osamu.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” He turns to look at him, but he's watching the ocean with a faraway look. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then, he turns back to him. He doesn't quite smile, but Osamu can practically feel Suna's joy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu jolts awake, sitting up so fast the bed rocks from the momentum. Rain is pounding against their window, filling up the silence that would have made him go crazy. With a quick glance down, he confirms that Atsumu is still asleep. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There is no way he was going to fall back asleep, so he goes to the kitchen. The image of Suna on that damn beach won't leave him alone. Normally, Osamu would cook when he's stressed, but they're low on most ingredients he needs to make something good. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He spares the back door a glance, considering whether it's worth it to have a cold for the next few days. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Atsumu finds him sitting outside at six AM, his clothes and hair soaked with rainwater. He turns his head to look up at his brother in the doorway, raising a brow. “Ya want something?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ya do realise we got practice in half an hour?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ah right, he has to go see Rin in person. He pushes himself to his feet, feeling the water drip from his clothes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Atsumu pulls a face, huffs, then goes back inside. “Yer a weirdo, Samu,” is all he says before his loud stomps up the stairs can be heard. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu goes through the motions of getting ready in the morning, his brain focusing on what he's going to do when he sees Suna. Hopefully not look like a hopeless fool. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When they reach the gym, nothing happens. He breathes put a long sigh, feeling his shoulders physically slump. Atsumu ignores him, bouncing over to Kita to annoy him probably. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Throughout practice, Suna doesn't mention if he acts weird. Osamu hopes that is true. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then Aran drags him to the side before he can leave, cornering him off to one side of the changing room with narrowed eyes. “You're acting different,” he says, tone not revealing anything. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He considers his options. Telling someone will help the feeling inside of him, the one that makes him think he will explode if he doesn't let it out. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Aran, I need help.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aran’s brows draw together. “You've never needed help with something before.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He glances around, double checking that no one's paying attention to them. Kita is meticulously folding and packing away his gym clothes, Akagi chattering by his side. Even if Kita scares him, he shouldn't be able to hear him from over there if he speaks quietly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Keeping his voice as low as possible, he tells Aran about his dream. The beach, Suna, the confession. At some point through the retelling, he's started fiddling with the button on his blazer and the threads holding it in have come loose. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aran watches him bumble for a moment, a small smirk on his face. “It seems to me that you have a crush.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu throws the button at him, a scowl taking over his face. “Ya don't have to be so loud about it,” he hisses, dodging the button being thrown back at him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Aran looks around the now empty changing room, “you worried about Suna overhearing?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Suna, Tsumu, Kita.” He shrugs, slipping out under Aran’s arm and reaching for his bag. Suna might still be out there waiting for him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aran chuckles, giving him a firm clap on the back. “You don't have to think about it now, focus on classes and let it process when you get home.” With that last piece of advice, he leaves the room, and leaves Osamu with his thoughts. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What a fool he is, thinking Osamu would pay attention to classes. That's what Suna does, he gets the notes and gives them to Osamu in exchange for food. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Looks like he's got his thoughts for the day to pay attention to instead of his literature notes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suna isn't waiting by the door when he leaves, which gives him time to search up what happens when you get a crush on your best friend. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Memorable searches include:</span>
</p>
<ul>
<li><span>What happens when you get a crush on your best friend</span></li>
<li><span>Ways to get over a crush on your best friend</span></li>
<li><span>How to flee the country </span></li>
<li><span>Best countries to move to </span></li>
<li><span>Travel costs to New Zealand </span></li>
<li><span>I need to get over my crush </span></li>
</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After his disheartening discovery of his guaranteed failure, Osamu pockets his phone and trudges into his classroom. Suna spots him and gives him a small wave as he passes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu sits in front of Suna, which means whenever he dozes off Suna kicks him awake before a teacher catches him. Today, that will be very helpful, considering he only slept three hours before spending the rest of the night out in the rain. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They do what they do on a regular day. Suna keeps him safe from teachers’ scoldings during class, Osamu turns around between periods to talk to him, they eat lunch together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's all normal, except there's an added twist of butterflies. And whenever Suna does something so much as smile, Osamu has to fight down a blush. It's confusing, he's never been so attached to anyone before. He's Miya Osamu, he doesn't get crushes on people. People get crushes on him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu internally cringes. Clearly there's something wrong with him. For a second there, he sounded just like Atsumu. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If he did have to get a crush on someone though, Suna definitely seems like the best option. Rin is nice, he's fun to be around. They could spend hours together doing absolutely nothing and Osamu couldn't be happier. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>By the fifth period, a dull buzz had settled in his head. His entire body feels warm and the teacher's words are slurring. Looks like his fever has finally settled in. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He feels the familiar kick against his chair, but fails to open his eyes. Maybe if the teacher catches him they can send him home early. Or he could take a nap in the nurse’s office, that's an option. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Miya-san, if you would wake up please.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, I don’t feel well. Is it alright if I go to the nurse’s office?” The teacher watches him for a moment, before sighing softly and nodding. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suna taps his arm before he has the chance to leave, and gives him a look that tells him he's getting a visit after school ends. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At least he can blame any weirdness on his cold. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>⤵︎</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like the world wants to fuck with him, Osamu has the dream again that night. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He's back on the beach. Suna is still there by the ocean, except this time Osamu notices that the glow of the sun really accentuates his muscles. The sun’s light surrounds him like a halo, and when he turns around Osamu feels his heart skip a beat. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What is wrong with him? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They greet each other again, their voices all soft and fond. It's like a picture perfect scene for a romantic movie. Osamu doesn't know how to feel. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This time, he's much more prepared for Suna's declaration of love, and the dream doesn't actually end when he says it. Instead, Dream Osamu smiles back at Suna, leans his head onto his shoulder. “I love ya too, Rin.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Well then. If that isn't fantastic, he doesn't know what is. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suna turns his head and presses a feather-light kiss against Osamu's hairline. “No matter where you go, I'll be right there with you. Even when we're old and going gray.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's like listening to the start of some wedding vows. Osamu has never heard anything so sappy come from Suna’s mouth before. Although that may just be because this is Dream Suna and not Real Suna. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dream Osamu grins and shifts so he's sat on Suna's lap, his knees straddling his thighs. He cups Suna's cheeks and leans in close, their lips brushing and breaths mingling. “Only you Rin, I'll only ever love you,” he whispers before properly kissing him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That's when he wakes up, his heart thudding against his chest. He breathes loudly through staggered gasps, clutching his chest so tightly it hurts. His head is still pounding from the aftermath of his fever, any movement still making him feel woozy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Atsumu's ungodly snores can be heard from below, it brings him down from whatever panic he was about to have. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's only four AM, so Osamu goes down to the kitchen to cook away his feelings. Kita scolded him yesterday for letting himself get sick and told him to get some rest. Which means Osamu has a free Saturday morning. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The more he thinks about it, the easier it is to repress it. He won't deny his feelings for Suna, that's just counterproductive and would cause him more problems than he currently needed. But he refuses to be like a child who always thinks about their crush. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>By the time Atsumu has gotten ready for practice, Osamu has made way too much onigiri than necessary. It covers the counters, all piled up on top of each other. He's not sure how much he made, but there's a lot. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Atsumu pauses in the doorway, his face screwing up. He takes one look at the food, sees the dark smudges under his eyes and purses his lips. “What kinda mid-life fuckin’ crisis are ya havin’ Samu?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He scowls, flicking some grains of rice at his brother. “Fuck off, it's not a mid-life crisis.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I'm tellin’ Kita-san yer not resting.” Atsumu sneers, stealing one of the onigiri and retreating from the kitchen. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Asshole!”  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So again, Osamu is left alone with his thoughts and his onigiri. There is so much. He made so much and it did not help. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>God, he's tired. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Deep down, a part of him wishes to see Suna. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>⤵︎</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On Monday morning, Atsumu and Osamu crowd together by the sink, elbowing each other as they brush their teeth. Atsumu spits his toothpaste out, rinsing the brush under the water. “Are ya over yer crisis yet?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>While he gargles his water, Osamu thinks it over. Is he? Not really, but a weekend of self care might help. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He nods, spitting the water out into the sink. “Pretty much.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suna meets them at the entrance of school, and Osamu can't deny the way his heart starts racing at the sight of him simply standing there. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sometimes he hates his thoughts. They force him to put more effort into doing things he doesn't want to do, such as hide his crush on his best friend from his best friend. He raises his hand in a lazy wave, pushing the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Suna looks really good today</span>
  </em>
  <span> thoughts to the back of his mind. Those kinds of thoughts can be locked away in a safe. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But still, he is a simple man. So that plan is thrown out of the window when Suna holds out three Purple Sweet Potato Kit-Kats. He gasps and jogs the rest of the way to Suna. “How’d ya get these? They're a regional collection.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My dad came back from a business trip in Okinawa, I asked him to grab me some before he left.” Suna hands him the Kit-Kats, smiling at the delighted expression Osamu can't help but make. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Okinawa is so far away, he thought there was no hope of ever trying the flavor unless he saved up for a trip.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In his excitement, he almost pulls Suna into a hug, but he manages to stop himself before it can happen. “Thanks Suna, I'll make ya anythin’ ya want.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suna laughs, “I'll think about it. Come on, or we'll be late for first period.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As he watches Suna turn and walk towards the school building, he smiles and slides the Kit-Kats into his pocket. His chest feels full, like it will explode if Suna does anything remotely nice to him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So having a crush on Rin may not be so bad. Who knows, it could end up with a pretty satisfying result. Not that he wants to get his hopes up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you coming or not?” Suna asks, turning to look back at him. And oh, oh no. It's like Osamu has been transported back onto the beach, watching the golden glow surround his best friend. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He almost chokes on air, nodding and stumbling over his feet as he catches up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sure, he's accepted this crush of his, but why must it make him act so dumb? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu's glad be doesn't sit behind Suna in class, because there is a high chance he would spend the whole day staring at him. Being able to do that would not bode well for his concentration. So instead, he stares down at his meager amount of notes and thinks of all the good qualities Suna has. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's simple math, the more he thinks about Suna, the more he likes Suna. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>⤵︎</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu once read online that having a crush on your best friend could be annoying. At first, it confused him. Why would someone be annoyed by their crush? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But no, Osamu gets it now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's been three weeks since he first had the dream about him and Suna on the beach. Since then, it has returned at least once every three days. It's like a movie being played over and over in his head. The dream is so fresh in his mind that it never leaves him, not even when he's playing volleyball. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu told himself he would try to avoid getting annoyed about it, it wouldn't help him in the long run. And he does get annoyed at things, mainly Atsumu, but he's trying his hardest not to get hung up over this situation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The dream is making it very hard though. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He and Suna are in his kitchen, with Suna finally claiming his repayment for the Kit-Kats. Suna's perched on one of the unused counters, humming along to the music he put on before while Osamu bakes him some brownies. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Going over to the sink to wash his hands, he spares Suna a quick glance. “We just have to wait for it to bake now. Should be about forty minutes.” Suna nods, pushing himself off the counter and landing with a quiet thud. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Feel like studying? You slept through all of history.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That's because history is boring. It already happened, why should we care?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They make their way into the living room where they sit on the couch. Osamu begins scrolling through netflix and Rin doesn't even argue as he puts on a movie for them to watch instead. For the entire wait, Osamu is hyper aware of the little distance between them and the mere centimetres between their hands. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's almost like he's back on the beach again, and that fleeting thought makes him want to hit himself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He's been doing that lately. Connecting little, everyday things to his dream, and hoping it could play out like the dream always does. It's the one thing he supposes he can let himself be irritated by, because he's thinking like a middle school girl with a crush. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Getting a crush is a normal thing. Even if he was starting to wonder if he was aromantic before his crush on Suna. Crushes are normal. It's just a part of growing up. That's what he tells himself when he finds himself staring at Rin, anyway. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>About halfway through the movie, he goes to take the brownie out of the oven. On his way to grab a knife to cut it, he stops by the doorway. “Rin, the brownie’s ready if ya want some now.” There's no response, but he only assumes that's because he's heading over. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Even when the brownie is cut up into little brownie pieces, Sun doesn't say anything. “Rin?” He turns around, raising a brow at his friend frozen in the doorway. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There's a faint blush of his cheeks,and Osamu has the urge to go over and hug him. “You, you called me.. Rin,” he says, face going through a series of emotions </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit.” Osamu really hadn't noticed. Hearing himself in the dream call Suna </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rin</span>
  </em>
  <span> all the time became very confusing. Most of the time, Suna is referred to as Rin in his head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He really should say something else instead of staying silent and gaping like an idiot. Clearing his throat, he offers Suna a subdued smile. “I'll stop if ya don't like it.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Suna mumbles, shaking his head, “it's fine, you can call me Rin.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He nods, turning back around to take out a piece of the brownie for Rin. It really should be left to cool down, but a little bit won't hurt. The fluttery feeling is back, and he waits until he stops grinning to turn back around and give Suna his brownie. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They spent the rest of the night sitting pressed together on the couch, watching old action movies. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>⤵︎</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's December, and Atsumu got invited to that Youth Training Camp thing. Which means Osamu is free to throw a well needed hissy fit about the dream in the mirror while he brushes his teeth. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At this point, Osamu doesn't care if anyone except Atsumu and Rin find out about his crush. If they manage to figure it out, well done to them, they're pretty damn smart. Over the last five months, he's managed to create the perfect poker face. No more does he struggle to hide his flush when Rin lifts his shirt up to wipe his face in practice, or when he grins at him from across the net when they face each other. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The one person Osamu cannot allow to find out is Atsumu. He would never let him live it down, and hanging out with Suna would be impossible. Even Rin finding out first would be better. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Luckily for him, Atsumu had been away at the training camp, and he was finally able to relax. Hiding his crush had been hard. The churning in his stomach and the heat in his cheeks being more common than his daily squabbles with Atsumu. Keeping the secret from everyone but Aran had grated on his patience. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kita almost caught him once, in the changing room. He was staring at Suna after he had come out the shower, his hair damp and unstyled, curling around his ears. Somehow, he had been unable to tear his eyes away from his best friend.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's not like he hadn't seen Suna like that before, but he had been feeling extra sappy that day. Maybe it was because Suna had smiled at him when he brought in some chuupet that morning, or because they'd shared their lunches in the afternoon. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn crush,” he grunts, splashing some water up into his face. His reflection stares back at him in the mirror, and even now his cheeks are flushed just from thinking about Rin. He desperately needs to pull it together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Atsumu will be back sometime in the evening, hopefully worn out from the training so Osamu doesn't have to indulge him. He's allowed himself to get way too comfortable holed up in his house for the last four days. Suna even came over to check if he was still alive. Opening the door in stained sweatpants and nothing else had been an awkward experience he wants to wipe clean from his mind. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu's day goes like this: in the morning he watches reruns of old, British sitcoms and he cooks lunch for himself. In the afternoon he does any chores and homework he has, then plays a couple rounds of Winning Eleven. He's feeling particularly petty, so he eats some of Atsumu's snacks, and then watches more reruns. He considers playing volleyball, but he hasn't given himself time to muster up the energy for it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Somehow, while halfway through an episode of Fawlty Towers, he falls asleep. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And of course, he wakes up on that damn beach.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>By now, he's lost count of how many times he's had this dream. Every time though, he began to notice all the little details, bit by bit until they all came together to make the dream seem all that more realistic. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Like just how in love he sounds when he tells Rin he loves him back. Even when they greet each other at the beginning, their voices are so filled with affection it almost hurts. Does he sound like that in real life? If he does, it's a shock no one has managed to find out yet.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>How they walk for so long on the beach that the sun fully sets, and they end up kissing under the stars. The way Rin wraps his arms around his waist and clings to the back of the shirt while they kiss. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's just the little things that make Osamu wish it was real. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rin smiles at him, thumbs brushing over his knuckles like they always do. “I love you.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love ya too, Rin.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's not only Dream Osamu that says it, he's thinking it while he stares openly at Rin's face. Having a revelation in his dreams has never gone well before, taking example from his first experience with this exact dream. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But even if he wants the dream to end, to wake up so he can start panicking like a normal person, it doesn't. No, he continues to watch the dream until it ends. He watches as he climbs on Suna's lap, as he declares his love again and leans in to kiss him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He really wishes he could feel touch in his dreams. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At this point, Osamu is so used to the dream he stops jolting awake. His eyes flutter open and, for some reason, Rin is still there. Strange, the dream hasn't carried on like this before. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Just before he sits up to kiss Suna again like he does in his dreams, Rin stands up straight and smiles. “Morning, sleeping beauty.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What's happenin’?” He asks, sitting up and rubbing any sleep from his eyes. Atsumu is there too, standing at the edge of the couch with a smug grin. Ah, so it's not a dream then.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's lucky Rin straightened up when he did.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suna sighs and sits on the couch with him, he manages to move his legs out of the way just in time. “I happened to be out when your idiot brother saw me, and harassed me until I agreed to come round.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, I didn't harass ya!” Atsumu complains loudly, throwing his bag to the side like he's prepared to fight.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu has been awake for all of a minute, and his brother is already giving him a headache. He yawns, leans back against the armrest. “I get the feelin’ ya harassed Rin, so ya should piss off and unpack yer stuff.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I've been away for five days, and the second I get back, yer already bullyin’ me.” With a pout that could rival a toddler’s, Atsumu scoops up his bag and stomps off to their room, muttering about ungrateful friends and ungrateful brothers. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rin relaxes back into the couch cushions, throwing an arm over the back. “So what were you dreaming about? You kept mumbling before you woke up.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Well shit, he needs a lie. He coughs, his hand moving to the back of his head and scratching at his undercut. “Oh nothing special, just Tsumu dying a horrible death.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suna smiles, “sounds like fun.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No one will know, he won't let anyone find out that he loves Suna Rintarou.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>⤵︎</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Time goes on. They lose to Karasuno at Nationals, he and Suna spend the coach ride back home sleeping on each other's shoulders, and the third years graduate. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With Aran going professional and playing for the Red Falcons, Osamu is left alone to stew in his overwhelming love for Suna. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It really doesn't get better for him. They get put in the same class again, sat next to each other so now their time spent talking increases. Somehow, he falls deeper. It's been over a year since Osamu found out about his crush, and he's so hopelessly in love with Rin it's embarrassing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A month ago, he considered caving and telling Atsumu about everything. That dark thought prompted him to go on a run that lasted hours while he contemplated his life choices. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>On that run he vowed that it had to get out at some point. If anyone asks him if he has a crush, he will tell them. Because, it's less of a secret now and more a fact of life. Two plus two is four, Miya Osamu loves Suna Rintarou. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe it's all the college applications he's been doing that have been making him go insane; but there is no better place Osamu could imagine being on than Rin’s lap. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He will snap eventually.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In the peak of Summer, Atsumu insists on team bonding at their house. The entire team takes up their back garden, with all of their pillows and blankets so they can sleep under the stars. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>(“Come on Samu, it'll be so much fun!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are ya an idiot?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I won't hesitate to fight ya. Come on, right here, right now.”) </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Some of them have gathered together in a circle in the centre of the grass, legs crossed and spinning a bottle between them. Osamu watches them dare each other stupid scenrarios from his spot with a scowl. It deepens when Atsumu cackles loudly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why do you look constipated?” Rin asks as he sits down next to him, holding out a bottle of grape juice. He takes it, his eyes still trained on his other teammates. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Truth or dare is dumb.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suna laughs, and he whips his head around as the middle blocker leans against him. “Why?” His laughter dies down, smirking up at him, “you scared Atsumu will dare you to do something scary?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He jabs Rin in the side, “as if, me an’ Tsumu did that all the time as kids.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Except this time, if he picks truth, he knows exactly what will happen. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rins hums, and Osamu has a vague sense of doom. “If you're not afraid, why don't you join them?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He lets out an over the top groan, planting his head on Rin's shoulder. “Dares are effort.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing is stopping you from picking truth.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Oh, how wrong Rin is.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu stays where he is, cheek pressed against the hard curve of Suna's shoulder. Suna pokes him. “Come on,” he says, “as the vice-captain I order you to join in with truth or dare.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I still don't know why Tsumu chose you instead of me, I'm his brother.” With a long stretch, Osamu stands and pops his joints. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rin smiles to himself, “he said it's his revenge for you going to culinary school and stopping volleyball.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Since when did you an’ Tsumu talk, huh?” They make their way over to the group. Rin visibly shudders, a grimace taking over his face. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We don't talk about that.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suspicious. But Osamu refuses to get involved with any plot his brother may have come up with. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Speaking of his brother, Atsumu grins and shuffles over to free a space for them both. “Ah, Sunarin, ya managed to get Samu over here.” He pats the grass beside him, prompting Suna to sigh loudly and drop down onto the space. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The two of them have been weirdly in sync with each other lately. Something about it rubs Osamu the wrong way. He doesn't want to say he's jealous, that's a gross emotion he never wants to feel. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There's a small space left for him, so he sits there, his side pressed up against Suna's. Atsumu mumbles something, and Suna hits him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Really, when did they get so close? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Everyone cycles through a few dares and a couple truths. Osamu mostly tunes it out, only hearing Gin eating a leaf and Riseki revealing the time he accidentally peed on himself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There's a delighted gasp that brings him back, and he looks down at the bottle. It points at Rin, he stares back down at it like it's wronged him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So, Sunarin,” Atsumu drawls, throwing an arm around his shoulders, “truth or dare.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dare.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Atsumu pulls an expression that looks like Rin has handed him piles of gold. “Oh? Well then, I dare ya to ki-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In the blink of an eye, Suna throws himself at Atsumu, who’s cut off with a strangled scream of terror. He slaps a hand over Atsumu's mouth, eyes filled with bloodlust. “I tell you every single time, we </span>
  <em>
    <span>do not </span>
  </em>
  <span>talk about that.” With every word, he leans in closer, his voice growing dangerous. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu doesn't focus on that though. He only sees how close his brother and his best friend are right now. The way Atsumu is lying flat on his back while Rin practically pins him down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Okay, so maybe Osamu is jealous. He gives himself a mental pat on the back for lasting so long.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He's not going to lie, the gut-wrenching feeling is awful. If he hadn't perfected his poker face all those months ago, people would definitely see how much he didn't approve of the situation. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At some point, while he turns the same thoughts over and over in his head, time carries on. Suna gets off Atsumu with one final glare and a quick glance his way, Kosaku spins the bottle.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When he does refocus back on the world, the bottle has spun to point at him. He blinks down at it. “Oh.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, Osamu, truth or dare?” Kosaku asks, leaning back on his hands. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He considers his options. Pick dare: Atsumu makes him do something completely ridiculous, all of his energy will be spent on this one thing. Pick truth: they will ask if he has a crush on anyone, he will say Rin, something bad probably happens. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, Samu. It's not that hard to decide!” Atsumu whines, flapping his hands around like it will make him hurry up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, truth.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Boo!” The blond makes a fart sound, sticking out a thumbs down. Osamu reaches around Rin to punch his idiot-of-a-brother. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, ya told me to hurry up, you ass!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before they can properly turn it into a fight, Suna raises his hands and promptly shoves the two of them back by their faces. Atsumu practically squawks and flails backwards. “I will not have you fighting when I'm between the pair of you. When I'm watching from a distance, sure, but not when I'm in the middle of you morons.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu grunts, sitting back against Suna. “That’s a bit harsh on me, Rin.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Absolutely not. Anyway, truth ideas for Samu.” He claps his hands, and the rest of the team simultaneously bring their hands to their chins. Creepy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know it's a bit overused,” Gin starts, levelling Osamu with a stare that makes a shiver run down his spine, “but I've always wondered if Osamu's ever had a crush on anyone.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Well, there it is. Just like he expected. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Atsumu sends a look in Suna's way. “Yeah, I've always wondered that too.” Osamu really doesn't like his tone, or the possible meaning of that look. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I want to know that!” Kosaku sits up straight, smiling widely. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ah fuck, he really does have to say it, doesn't he? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All of his attention draws in. He feels a bead of sweat from the Summer heat roll down his neck and soak into his shirt collar. One leg going numb from the criss cross he sat in. The pounding of his heart that he's sure everyone can hear. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He sucks in a deep breath, looking down at his hands folded on his lap. “Rin.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Suna turns to him, slightly ruffled from whatever he was attacking Atsumu over. As cute as it looks, he really wasn't understanding what he'd said. Osamu raises a brow, watches as Rin’s eyes widen when the information processes. “Wait, you have a crush on me?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Instead of facing it, Osamu leans forward and spins the bottle. It lands on Gin. “Truth or dare, Gin?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whoa whoa whoa,” Atsumu interrupts, waving his arms around, “Samu ya can't just leave it at that!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He lies back down on the grass, pillowing his head on folded arms and shutting his eyes. There is nothing he wants to see less than Rin’s expression right now. “I answered the question, I can leave it at that.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But Sunarin-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He answered the question, now let's move on.” Again, Suna shuts Atsumu up. Osamu can tell by the familiar sound of a hand slapping over a mouth. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Atsumu makes a desperate noise, “but you-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Atsumu.” And just like that, it was over. Osamu had only heard the biting tone once before, during their first year when some older kids had been picking at a fellow first year. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The atmosphere feels heavy, like it's pushing Osamu into the ground and swallowing him whole. He pushes himself up to stand, when everyone turns to look at him he picks at his sleeve. “I'm going to check if the pizzas have been delivered,” he says, his voice coming out weaker than ever before. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When he comes back with the boxes in hand, the circle has separated into smaller groups. He hands them all out equally, avoiding his fellow third years for as long as he can. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They don't say a word when he joins them, sitting as far away from Suna as possible. Atsumu watches him, turns his gaze to Suna, before going back to him. His eyes are empty, giving away none of his thoughts. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For the rest of the night, he stays silent. Gin keeps the conversation flowing between the rest of them, trailing off whenever he looks Osamu's way. Rin stays quiet too, if Osamu looks his way, he will avoid eye contact. His expression is blank, it unnerves him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The ache in his chest doesn't leave until the morning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>⤵︎</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All throughout August, Osamu spends most of his days cooking or running. It's the only thing that stops him from overthinking. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rin didn't talk to him the morning after, or the day after that. All he's gotten is radio silence  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Even when they go back to school in September, Rin doesn't say a word to him. It's like he's removed himself from Osamu's life in one fell swoop. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He doesn't meet him and Atsumu at the entrance, he doesn't high five Osamu when one of them makes a good shot in practice, he doesn't wait after practice. In class, Suna doesn't even spare him a glance. He should know, considering he spent the entire time looking at Suna instead of his notes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When the bell for lunch rings, Suna is on his feet within seconds. Osamu watches him leave the classroom with his heart clenching. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whoa,” his classmate murmurs, “you two have never not had lunch together. Ya get into a fight or somethin’?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He sighs, deciding that he doesn't feel like eating today. “Somethin’ like that.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The second half of the day is spent sleeping on his desk. He gets told off by two teachers, and the third gives him detention. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But Sir, I-” he cuts himself off. Right, he doesn't need the free time anymore. It's unlikely Rin will go home with him like he used to. Lowering his head, he fiddles with his pen. “Sorry, it won't happen again.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>While he spends the next hour after school cleaning up the school grounds, Osamu thinks. More than he's allowed himself to in the last month. It's strange how quickly things could change. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He thinks about how he first met Rin, the first time they hung out properly on their own, how easy it was to be with him. The dream plays over in his mind, on a constant loop like his brain wants to destroy his spirit. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He walks home with his eyes trained on the ground, swallowing the suffocating lump that keeps forming at the back of his throat. It was just a crush, he won't cry over something so small.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Fuck, he really hates this. It's been a day and Osamu already feels like shit. All he wants to do is get home as soon as possible, lie in bed and do nothing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Feeling bad for himself won't help make anything better, but that's all he has the heart to do.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There's voices coming from his room when he gets there. He doesn't give it much thought though, considering he shares it with Atsumu and he brings over friends sometimes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His breath catches in his throat. Atsumu stops what he was saying and looks up, eyes widening. Suna looks at him for the first time in weeks. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah,” is all he manages to get out before he shuts the door. It slams a little harder than he meant it too, and it's like a switch has been flipped. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If that isn't a rejection, Osamu doesn't know what is. Clearly, he's easily replaceable, if Suna can ignore him all day and instead hang out with his brother. They're best friends for two years, then Osamu says he has a crush on him and all of a sudden it's thrown out the window? What a fucking joke.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He's sure they can hear the door to the spare room slam shut too. Good. He's fucking furious. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Grabbing a pillow from the bed, he lets out an enraged snarl and throws it at the wall. It lands on the floor with an almost silent tap. He walks backwards until he falls onto the bed, hands over his eyes and gripping fistfuls of his hair. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He feels sick. All he wants to do is curl up in his own bed and block out the world. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There's a soft, slightly hesitant knock on the door, before it's opened. He sits up quickly, his heart leaping at the chance it might be Rin arriving to at least say something to him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No, it's Atsumu. He lingers by the doorway, watches Osamu fall back again with a grunt. “Are ya mad at me?” He asks, shutting the door with a click. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu sighs, most of his anger leaving him. “No.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are ya lyin’?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I'm mad at Suna.” He obviously knows that they have to spend time together, to go over strategies for their interhigh matches. It just hurts.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It might hurt less if Rin actually talked to him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We can go over to Sunarin’s if ya want. It's just, all the notes on the other teams are here.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It's fine.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The ache was back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>⤵︎</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He keeps having the dream, and after two weeks he reached his limit. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Only once before had he pulled an all nighter. When he was eight years old and curious about how far he could test his limits. He ended up falling asleep in the middle of the day and not waking up for sixteen hours. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu doesn't know what's worse; dreaming about this perfect world where he and Rin are happy together, or spending hours thinking about how much better this all could have gone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When he looks in the mirror, he knows he looks terrible. Eyes dull, made even worse by the dark eyebags that will probably become a permanent feature on his face. He stopped brushing his hair a week ago, just combing through it with his fingers. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was just a crush, he shouldn't be so hung up over it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yet whenever he sees Rin in practice, talking with their teammates, he feels a suffocating force fill his lungs until he needs to force himself to breathe. He can feel his throat close up, and the world around him becomes a blur. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He lasted four nights before it finally happened. Somehow, he'd managed to keep going through quick naps that wouldn't last long enough for a chance to start dreaming. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His history teacher wakes him up with a scowl, and gives him a detention for falling asleep. It happens again in his math class, as well as literature. He can hear his classmates whispering between themselves, wondering what is happening to make him so careless. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rin’s name is passed around, and it's then when he starts to block them out. Folding his arms on the table and burying his head in them. He vaguely hears the teacher give him another detention. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell, Samu?” Atsumu explodes when he says he won't be showing up for practice after school. “We're about to go to nationals and ya can't even go to practice?” He paces back and forth, lips twisting into an angry frown. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can still go in the mornings,” Osamu says, crossing his arms and looking off to the side. “I just have a few detentions to go to.” And if he carries on, probably a few weeks’ worth. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Atsumu scoffs and matches his position. “Oh yeah, what did you get them for?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sleeping.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sleeping?” His brother's face screws up. “But Sunarin’s always wakin’ you up.” He trails off towards the end of his sentence, eyes growing wide in panic. If the comment didn't hurt so much, he would have found it funny. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I'm going now, still have a detention to go to.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He turns on his heel, walking away from Atsumu as quickly as possible. When he rounds the nearest corner, he slouches against the wall and takes a shudder-y breath. Really, he needs to pull himself together.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's probably a good thing he can't go to afternoon practice. Not seeing Rin as often might help the longing he can't help but feel. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>⤵︎</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>People say distance makes the heart grow fonder. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu thinks that's a whole load of bullshit. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He's so tired, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking </span>
  </em>
  <span>tired. Everything hurts. At this point (or any point, really), he doesn't care if Suna likes him back. All he wants is to have his best friend back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He misses the smiles they used to share, the playful banter over study sessions, the teachers scolding them for talking during class. Osamu misses his friend. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The amount of times he's tried to talk to Rin, to ask why he's being so distant. Is it because he likes him? Rin probably thinks he's disgusting for liking him. Fuck, does Suna hate him for liking guys? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In the shadows of nighttime, he clamps a hand over his mouth and forces his erratic breathing back to normal. If that was the case, Atsumu would stay friends with Suna. He likes to make it clear he's into guys. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He doesn't go to sleep until his first period. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's been three weeks of constantly falling asleep in class. His teachers have put him on permanent detention every day until he improves his behaviour. When he told Atsumu he still won't be going to practice after school, he didn't react. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Now, whenever they're at home, he watches him with a blank stare. They've stopped talking recently, their conversations growing sparser in between as Osamu gradually caves in on himself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>One day, Atsumu actually speaks to him. They're in their room. Atsumu doing his homework while Osamu lies in bed, staring at his home screen, a picture of he and Suna during their second year. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Samu, ya should stop mopin’ about ‘cause of some stupid boy.” It sounds casual, and if Osamu didn't know his brother any better, he wouldn't know those words were very carefully said. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Too bad Osamu's had a particularly bad day, and he's itching for a fight. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He sits up, glaring down at Atsumu. “Tell me why then, that </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid boy </span>
  </em>
  <span>is your new best friend.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Being in Atsumu's shadow has never bothered him before. He was fine to sit back and let his brother shine. But this whole thing has bothered him. Even if it isn't Atsumu's fault, seeing him and Rin together makes him deliriously angry.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Samu, you know it's not like that.” Atsumu argues, his brows furrowing together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know what? I don't fucking care, I'm fucking done. All this time I've put up with your shitty behaviour without complaint.” He drops down from the top bunk, his phone clenched tightly in his hand. “All this fucking time, I stayed by your side while everyone hated you. The one thanks I get is making my best fucking friend hate me.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Samu.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, for once, shut your damn mouth. I have spent the last two and a half months feeling like shit and you haven't helped in the slightest.” He grabs fistfulls of his hair, pulling so hard strangs of it rip out. The pain feels like nothing compared to everything else going on inside him. “You're such a shitty person, why the fuck did I get stuck with you as a brother? The only reason you want me to stop moping is so you get a chance at beating Karasuno at Nationals. Grow the fuck up!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As he storms out of the room, he sees Atsumu's face flash with hurt. He knows he shouldn't have said that last part, it was unnecessary and he's just dragged him along for the ride of pain. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He goes to the spare bedroom again, fully prepared to sleep in there instead of his own room. Osamu has never not slept in the same room as his brother, he's considering it though. When he drops down onto the bed, he hides his head in his hands.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>God, he's such a shitty brother. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Atsumu didn't deserve any of that. He's just so tired though. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That night, he falls asleep in a bed for the first time in a month. He wakes up in the dream. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suna is facing the ocean like he always did, arms folded behind his back. When Osamu walks closer, he turns around, but something about him looks different. His smile isn't fond, his gaze isn't filled with love. Instead, it's bittersweet as he takes Osamu's hands. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He leans forward, presses a kiss on Osamu's forehead. “Goodbye, Samu,” he whispers, pulling away with shiny eyes. No, this isn't how it's meant to go. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then he wakes up. He blinks back the tears before they have a chance to exist. The silence sends him to the brink of madness. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A week later he starts sleeping in his own room again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>⤵︎</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The principal calls him into the office, she’s sitting behind the desk with her fingers linked together. “Miya-san, take a seat.” She gestures to one of the chairs beside him, he sits down quickly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Now I understand you've been getting a lot of detentions lately, am I correct.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The tick of the clock on the wall is deafening in the silence. Osamu nods, avoiding the principal’s piercing look. “Yes.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I also understand that you are in the volleyball club.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She clears her throat, “I am afraid to tell you then, Miya-san, that if you continue your behaviour, I will have to kick you from the volleyball club.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was only a matter of time before he had to make a decision. Osami sighs, and nods before standing up. “I understand, ma’am. I will improve my behaviour.” He bows, before turning and walking out of the office. The dull throb in his temples triple, he grunts and ducks under a stairwell. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Fuck, that was it then, he had to face that fucking dream. Atsumu would be furious if he was kicked out, especially just before nationals started. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His phone buzzes in his pocket, he pulls it out to see a message from Aran. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>(13:07) Aran: </b>
  <span>Hey Samu! I know you probably won't reply since you're still in school, but this is the first proper break I've had from volleyball. Going professional really runs you ragged. Although not as much as you and Tsumu did haha. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>(13:07) Aran: </b>
  <span>Anyway, how have ya been? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>(13:09) you: </b>
  <span>It's been fine</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He can feel the familiar tightness in his throat as he sends the message, and he stands up to head back to class. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>⤵︎</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The four months leading up to Nationals are the worst. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu goes through the days like a robot, programmed to do a select number of things. Everyone on the team treats him differently, acting like he's had his heart broken as they bumble around him. He and Atsumu didn't make up for a month, when Osamu verbally apologized for the first time in his life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But still, even after their fight, Atsumu started treating him differently too. There's no more verbal spars, or pens being thrown at him from across the room. He didn't think he'd miss his brother's annoying nature so much. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And Suna obviously still doesn't talk to him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He'll spend most of his days after school watching Aran’s games. If he's not doing that he will cook. He still hasn't had the dream since that one time it changed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu realises he really is living a lonely life. He doesn't talk to anyone during lunch, no one texts him anymore, he's alone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>On a particularly cold New Years Eve, Osamu finds himself walking to the store for snacks. Atsumu has gone out to celebrate with the team, and gave up trying to make him join in after three days. He looks up at the sky, at the dottings of stars peeking through the clouds that float through the sky. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's not that he cares he's alone on New Years. No, really. The pain in his chest is just from breathing in the cold air. That's what he tells himself, anyway.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Without even thinking, Osamu picks up a few chuupet. He sees it in his hand and his throat closes up again. Fighting back tears has become a common occurrence, along with the pounding headache and the squeezing of his heart. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The cashier, blind to his internal struggle, gives him a look that tells him to hurry up. He rushes to pay for everything. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He finds a bench in a small, beaten up park and sits down. There's the distant sound of a countdown while he rips open one of the chuupets.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu has never cared about being alone before, Atsumu's personality usually drove people away before he could get attached to them. But he was never truly alone before, he always had Atsumu’s constant presence by his side. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He'd grown to love the team. Having a group of people he actually cared about felt good, and then just like that, they were gone. The aching loneliness hurts. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That night he doesn't go home, he falls asleep on that bench, under the lights of New Years fireworks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>⤵︎</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu knew he didn't have long before it all piled on too heavy and he would break. He didn't realise how quickly it would happen though. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All of their wins at Nationals had been meaningless in his eyes. Winning against Karasuno had made him realise that. Even he wanted to beat them a long time ago. He watches Atsumu leap onto Gin’s back with a cheer. He watches Suna exchange a nod with the blond across the net. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Back in the changing rooms, they all change and celebrate. Except Osamu, who slips out of the door as soon as everyone is focused among themselves. Stepping into the crowded hallway is like a breath of fresh air. Any longer with his team and he may have lost it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His mood dramatically changes when he spots Aran, who's standing off to the side with a smile. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Samu, hi. I came to watch you today, you did great!” He claps Osamu on the shoulder, like he always did. Osamu can't help it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A single tear slips out, followed by a second, and suddenly Osamu is sobbing into Aran’s shirt. He grips on like a lifeline as Aran wraps his arms around him and guides him to a secluded area. His legs buckle from underneath him, he wails. Aran lowers him to the ground, where he stays clutching onto the edge of his shirt. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The sobs wrack through his entire body from the onslaught of tears, leaving him a trembling mess as he cries. “It, it f-fucking hurts, Aran. It fucking hurts!” He practically screams the words, his voice coming out hoarse and unused. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit, it's okay,” Aran mumbles into his hair, wrapping his arms tighter around him. Osamu tries to breathe, normally, tries to think normally. But this is the first time he's been able to properly let everything out. He takes gasping breaths and hides his face in Aran’s shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They stay like that for what feels like a long time, until Osamu's gut-wrenching heaves slow down to pitiful sniffles. He sits back, wiping the snot and tears from his face, refusing to see the expression on Aran's face. His breath stutters, he pushes down his pride and lets the tears roll freely down his cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aran brings him back into a hug again. His knees go numb from kneeling on the ground for so long. Everything hurts. “I, I just want.” He hiccups. “I just want it to stop.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Samu,” Aran says, running his hand up and down his spine, “what happened?”  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Osamu tells him everything, how long he kept his crush hidden, how it came out in truth or dare of all things, how suna started ignoring him, how he feels alienated from the only people he came to care about. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>During the retelling, Osamu's phone blows up in a myriad of buzzing. When he checks them he sees it's Atsumu telling him the team's heading back to the hotel soon and he needs to come back quickly. He shuts his phone off, bites his lip as he turns pleading eyes to Aran. “Can I stay with you tonight?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No problem, I'm here for another two days so you can stay as long as then.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aran ends up texting Atsumu about where Osamu is staying for the night, and he buys them both tubs of ice cream to eat. For the first time in a while, there is something else other than the longing ache. He smiles for the first time in months. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The next day, Atsumu punches him so hard his jaw bruises and goes on a rant about how he shouldn't have worried everyone like that. He makes eye contact with Gin while it happens, who shuffles and looks away. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And just like that, he's back to going through the motions. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They end up losing the next match, and while everyone piles up on the bus, Osamu watches. Aran is staying for another night before he returns to Hyogo. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yo Samu, hurry up.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I'm not comin’ with ya.” He lifts his bag further onto his shoulder, ignoring the confused expression Atsumu wears. “I'm staying with Aran.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can't believe yer hangin’ out together without me!” He bemoans, hanging out of the doors of the coach. “Whatever, have fun with Aran-kun. I'll see ya at home.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Atsumu doesn't know about his breakdown, at least. If he did he would hover much more, being the mother hen that he denies he is. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Spending time with Aran can help him clear his head at least. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>⤵︎</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Winter months cycle through to Spring. Osamu decided he will essentially restart his life once he graduates. Back to square one, with only Atsumu and Aran being the people he cares about. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Exams fly past, he gets accepted into a culinary school in Kobe, Atsumu is scouted for the MSBY Black Jackals. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He spends the night before graduation at his desk, writing down all of his feelings from the last two years. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Rin, or should I say Suna, I'm not sure what to call you anymore.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It's late, I'm sleep deprived and feeling a lot of things. You're getting all of it. When you get this, do whatever you want with it. Read it, throw it away, I don't care. Because after this I am going to forget about you. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You were the first person other than Tsumu and Aran I cared about, you know? Something about you made it easy to get along with. You should feel honoured, I don't know why you pushed me away. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Well, obviously because I said I had a crush on you. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck you Suna. I blame the fucking dream, I wouldn't have gotten into this mess if I had stayed up later like a normal teenager. It was us on this beach, and we were super happy. And sometimes I thought, wow, that could be us. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Do you know how long I liked you for? Since the start of our second year. I have liked you for two whole fucking years, it's fucking annoying. I spent so long hiding it, so much effort to make sure your or Tsumu didn't find out. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You were so great, everything you did amazed me. I can't believe I fell in love with you. Sure, I could have tried harder to avoid it, but you weren't just some random person I liked. You were my best fucking friend. I'm saying fuck a lot but I don't care. Because you know what? Fuck you Suna Rintarou. If we ever meet each other again in the future, I'm going to be so much better off than you. Like Tsumu and his dumb bet against me, I'm gonna be so much happier than you are. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I have been in love with you for so long, I don't know how long it will take to get over you. Because I missed my best friend these last eight months. You ignoring me has hurt me more than anything. I cared more about you being friends with me than you dating me, if you were uncomfortable with that you could have said so and I would have backed off. But no, you fucking hurt me, a lot. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>How does it feel to be one of two people who have made me cry? Am I telling you this on purpose to make you feel guilty? Yes, I'm so fucking angry at you. But I'm still so fucking in love with you, I hate it.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It doesn't matter anymore, because I'm going to do my thing while you go play volleyball up in Tokyo. I remember you telling me that last year. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>See ya around, Rin</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Osamu</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The team say their goodbyes at the end of the day, huddling together in a teary group. Osamu takes the chance to slip the letter in Suna’s bag before letting the first and second years pile onto him.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Goodbye Rin, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Osamu thinks as he watches Suna walk away through the school gates, the soft golden glow of sunlight reminding him of the dream that started it all. </span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I- I am very sorry,, </p>
<p>The angst was not planned at all, I pulled it from out my ass to bring more pain to the world. I like to think this fic is alternatively titled: bully Osamu hours. It really fits. </p>
<p>I know the rest of Inarizaki seem a bit shitty in how they handled it but they're teenagers and they make mistakes ;-; taken from personal experience </p>
<p>I hope you enjoyed this, if you ever want to come scream with me about rarepairs on twitter feel free to follow me @rainbowhatduck theres an added bonus of watching the process of my mind explode</p></blockquote></div></div>
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